Sad mommy

If you don't mind I'd like to have a little moan for a few moments...

I'm on a low ebb this week. I really DON'T want to go back to work tomorrow. I really MISS my little girl the past few days while she's been settling into daycare. I'm aware that I'm fearing the unknown, but my emotional instinct is telling me that its not neccessarily the best thing for me. I'd rather not be in this situation but I have to be. Am I angry because I think this is beyond my control?

Do all moms go through this anxiety? When I went on maternity leave, it was a bit of a shock (as my little girl arrived 5 weeks early and I was still shopping for her arrival) and it naturally took a while to adjust to the change. Being at home isn't easy when you're not used to it. But its not the being at home that I'll miss. Its not the not having to do hair and makeup every morning. Its not the long chats to my sister each morning. Its not the fact that I hate my job. I've hated it for nearly 10 years but continued to put up with it. Its 100% the fact that I will not be spending my time with my little girl. I miss her like crazy.

Is every new mom faced with the same dilemma? I feel like I need to re-evaluate my life, rather than de-value it. I have so much more to offer the world than the boring corporate bullshit that I will be once again facing day in day out. But what realistically are my options?

This is one of the hardest things I have had to go through as a mom.

So in the meantime, please forgive my lack of motivation, energy, and general good spirit. I'm mourning the wonderful time I have been so blessed to spend with my gorgeous sweet precious little daughter.

Dear baby, I love you with all my heart. Thank you for the wonderful knowledge you give me each day, the lessons you teach me and the countless smiles and giggles we share. I feel privileged to be part of your life. I am doing this for your benefit. I promise to give you my all when we are together, and that each morning and evening I will hold you tight and tell you how much I love you and thank the universe for you.