Return of the human

Isn't it amazing how having a focal point in your near future focuses your mind on doing exactly what you want to do?

What I mean by this is that my little girl is starting full time daycare in less than a week, and with this deadline looming I am finally becoming the person I idealistically thought I would be. Pre-maternity-leave you have this rose-tinted impression of yourself that you are going to be this wonderful organised happy human being who fills time playing with baby, lunching with friends and browsing shops hunting for cute baby clothes.

HA!

Then when you realise that not only is it a struggle, but you're stuck with it (do I sound like a bad person?) that you reach this low level of tolerance - just about. Motivation (for me) went out the window along with dignity, glamour and all disposable income, and I kinda turned into this person who just dealt with one thing at a time just to get through the day.

So anyway, since I can no longer avoid the inevitable return to work, my days of loitering around a messy house trying to do whatever priority no 1 housework chore between feeds, demands for attention, nappies, wiping poop off stuff, etc etc, are truly numbered. And so, determination once again kicks in. I've done everything that I set out to do in the past week. That is the first time in the whole eight and a half months I have been off work.

I'm hoping this doesn't make me a bad mother/person. I am still at the stage where I think its wrong to admit that there may be a tiny part of me that is actually looking forward to not spending every waking minute with my incredibly cute and adorable baby daughter. I feel so guilty for even thinking that it could be a good thing. Or do I? Time will tell.

10 days to go, the countdown begins...