The dreaded inevitable

Ok so today I've decided to address the real issue going on in my life right now: in two weeks from today I am going back to work. I've had nearly nine months of maternity leave and it is coming to an end. Big sigh.

The reason I haven't mentioned this before is obvious - I don't even want to think about it! But I must confront the issue, and so I have listed the positives and negatives for both babygirl and myself below.

For babygirl:
+ the creche has way more toys than at home
+ the creche has smiley people who don't get cranky when babies don't co-operate
+ the creche feed all the babies wonderful organic food
+ babygirl will make babyfriends and have fun with them
+ she will learn to have independence
+ she will be part of a reliable routine
+ she will be cared for by experts who are trained in first aid, baby psychology and clap handies

- she will not be spending her days with her mum-mum
- she will probably be very upset and confused for the first few days

For mum-mum:
+ I will get to use the bathroom when I like
+ I will get to drink coffee/eat a meal while its still hot
+ I will have a reliable routine, that begins with a shower each morning
+ I will get dressed EVERY DAY!
+ I will have to buy new clothes (I'm choosing to look at this as a positive, even though the reason I have to buy new clothes is because I'm too fat to fit into my old work clothes, which is really a negative - way to look on the bright side!)
+ I will be surrounded by shops where I can buy useful things that we need
+ I will be earning money again (can't believe this isn't higher on my list...)
+ I will be on an even footing with my partner re housework, childminding, 'out' time etc
+ I will be showing my daughter that a woman's independence is important

- I love my little girl more than a-ny-thing and am going to miss her like crazy
- My colleagues company is no substitute whatsoever
- I will have to put my faith in the hands of 'other people' regarding her wellbeing
- I will be exhausted from a days work and from only getting an average of 5 hours sleep each night
- my right boob still occasionally leaks even though I gave up breastfeeding in January

I could list more negatives here, but I'm genuinely trying to see this as positively as possible. But really, I'm dreading it because no matter how big the paycheque, I can't buy the time with my baby back and I'm really really dreading it coming to an end. I'm going to miss my little girl.

But on the other hand, I am in need of some 'me' time, some grown-up company, and something else to focus on so that the challenging times with my baby are put in perspective. And it kinda does my head in when I can't even get one thing done around the house without missy giving out. She's going through that phase.

And there's always the thought that I didn't make the most of my maternity leave. But it really is harder than you could ever imagine. And for me, because my girl was born early, I didn't have time to make that transition between the world of work and the world of motherhood.

So I'm sure every first time mom finds going back to work bittersweet.

I'll officially start the countdown when I've 10 days to go. I've booked in a week of 'me' time which means shopping for said new clothes, getting hair done, sleeping in, going jogging, etc etc, which means I've only 7 days left with babygirl. 7 DAYS!! Holy crap.

See why its on my mind?! If anyone out there has any advice, please help to reassure me!